It is a truth that I learned much later in life, that every choice you make can alter your perception of yourself. The shifting self needs continual self-awareness, even for those experienced in meditation and the pursuit of understanding.

Itchy Feet

From 2018 to 2024 I was a full-time yoga teacher. Coming from the corporate World into a more mindful life on the mat was initially a delight. I had high hopes to change the World one soul at a time and that translated into passion for what I was doing.

Almost inevitably this began to dull. Repetitive classes, students who weren’t as committed to self-awareness as I had hoped, and the struggle to earn money, slowly turned my passion into drudgery. Then came Covid and burn-out, teaching eight hours a day, five days a week, I turned away from my own practice and let the very thing that had sustained me since my twenties, turn into something I avoided.

Rather than apply all that wisdom I had acquired over twenty years to my own predicament, instead I chose to fester on the negatives. When two old university friends re-appeared in my life with their big careers, it was sufficient to unsettle me further. I started to wonder if I wasn’t wasting my life, if I wasn’t able to make more or a difference in another setting.

Being Possessed

It was this that led me to take a job in Parliament, the idea that I could be of more service in government. It didn’t take long to realise that not only was making a difference in Westminster unlikely, but also that it was a place that didn’t suit me. Cold, adversarial, archaic, I began losing sleep which, for me, is never a good sign.

There is nothing worse than finding someone else take up residence under your skin. With less time for my meditation practice, my self-awareness dropped a little, and before I knew it, I was becoming someone a little harder, and angrier than before. Work was coming home with me. I would spend hours on X. My attention levels dropped. My health also suffered.

Happily, a long period of Covid turned into a moment of self-understanding. It gave me cause to slow down and reflect. I was also fortunate enough to be able to spend two weeks in the sun recovering. In quiet moments, I realised how far I had strayed from who I wanted to be. Westminster was turning me into someone I didn’t like.

Lessons Learned

I have learned a lot of lessons over the past three years. But perhaps the biggest lesson of them all is this – every choice we make has the capacity to change us, be it for better or worse. To maintain equilibrium requires constant work and self-reflection which isn’t always compatible with our busy lives.

It’s ok to admit when you have made a mistake, when, for whatever reason, you end up somewhere you don’t want to be. Better to have tried, than to wonder. Pocket the experience as wisdom. And then regain your balance and move on.

There is a part of us that remains unchanging, the essence of who we are. The parts above that are fluid and shift, and, if we’re not careful, can obscure our true nature. Had this experience happened to me when I was much younger, things might have been very different. I was lucky to catch myself before it was too late and regain the essence of who I am.